Digital Imagination

I will be having my good friend Ol’ Scatty removed Wednesday. I’ve had my parasitic twin for nearly three months now, and while I am kind of worried about taking my first bagless poop in 3 months, I’m not gonna be sad to see him go.

This is where I need a video montage with Whitney Houston music playing.

No I don’t.

Also, I was thinking about getting my surgeon a Thank You card. I’m thinking about shoving it up my ass so I can give it to him during the surgery. Would that be tacky?

I think this is hilarious. A group in San Francisco called “Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco” has gathered enough signatures to rename the local sanitation plant after George Bush.

Critics complain, “You got a bunch of guys drunk who came up with an idea and want to put on the ballot as a big joke without regard to the city’s governance or cost.”

Hey, come on, the best ideas come up when you’re drunk. Even the founding fathers knew that.

It has just come to my attention that there is a coffee maker that can be plugged into a pc to get internet access. Apparently, it does this so that you can change settings over the internet. Oh, and it’s been hacked.

Once the coffee maker is compromised and turned into a rogue email server, breakfast choices will be coffee and spam, coffee egg and spam; coffee egg bacon and spam; coffee egg bacon sausage and spam; coffee spam bacon sausage and spam; coffee spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; coffee spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam….

I was just forwarded this email from my wife who works at a company I left about a year and a half ago.

“Hi everyone,

Today is my last day at XXXXX. I enjoyed myself here at XXXXX since October 2006. It was a pleasure working with, and getting to know everyone here. I will smile whenever I think of Moy singing We are Family, Breaking News, Kenny Rogers Roasters, Friday 3:00 pm barnyard noises, and the 3:00 pm flying monkey. Please keep in touch.”

When I started working at this company, everyone sat in a large room known as “the pit”. It was a 1500 sqft. hell-hole filled with lunch room tables which sat 6 people to a table. The room as accurately named as it was a nightmare to work in.

Well, one Friday, when I stopped caring whether I got fired or not (which 2 years later, I finally did), I brought in a flying monkey. The flying monkey has elastic arms that are used to slingshot it about 30 feet or so. As it flies through the air it makes a terrific monkey scream. It’s about the best thing on earth.

So at 3:00PM this fateful Friday, when everyone was buried in work, I pulled the monkey out and shot it across the room. As it screamed over heads, half the people jumped out of their seats and the other half ducked for cover. Everyone had a good laugh, except the managers (who had offices by the way).

The next Friday, I did it again. And the next, and the next. Eventually I was fortunate enough to move to a semi-private office in a different part of the building. But still, I showed up every Friday at 3:00 to shoot the monkey. If I wasn’t there at precisely 3, I would get instant messages and emails from angry monkey-lovers.

When I left the company, I handed over monkey duties to a friend, who kept the tradition alive until a few weeks ago when he left. I assume, he handed it off to someone else upon his departure.

I love that I was able to create a tradition, it’s a neat feeling. I also love that, to this day, the VP and upper management absolutely despise the monkey.

George Takei, the actor who played Mr. Sulu on “Star Trek,” and his partner of 21 years, Brad Altman, were mobbed by members of the press as they applied for a marriage license at West Hollywood Park. Their wedding is scheduled for September 14.

Congratulations go out to everyone out there in Crazy Hippy Land (AKA: California), who now have the opportunity to tie the knot.

Gay Marriage is a phenomenally hot issue right now and everyone has an opinion on it. You’re either for it, or strongly, strongly against it. Me, I don’t understand why it’s an issue in the first place.

The constitution clearly states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…” It’s right there, in plain English. Marriage, historically has been a religious event. You are joining with a partner, under the eyes of your God, for eternity. That’s the theory anyways.

So what right does the government have to prohibit a union between two consenting adults who may choose, before the eyes of their God, to join in Holy Matrimony?

The key here is “two consenting adults”, I’m not talking about a woman and her washing machine here. Many anti-gay-marriage proponents love to argue that the latter will soon be the case. That argument, frankly, is bullshit.

Governments, traditionally have been formed out of religious organizations. That’s still the case in much of the world today. Israeli politicians must be Jewish, indeed, you must be Hebrew in order to vote in Israel. Imams control much of the middle east, and the King of England must still be crowned by the Archbishop of Canterbury. So religion, often has a place in politics. In fact, governments, historically, have a very political reason for allowing marriage, which is to join powerful families together in order to gain property and resources.

However, here in America, we are forbidden to make laws based on religious ground (though we often do). The American government maintains legal control over marriage because it’s in the best interest of society to stabilize  relationships. Why then, would we not want to help legitimize the coupling of a group of society often seen as promiscuous?

Marriage has changed a lot over the past several thousand years, and is still very different in many parts of this world. Arranged marriages are still very common in India (as a matter of fact a friend of mine, Shrinand, is baffled on why American’s choose their own partners. He is absolutely sure that this decision is the reason the divorce rate is so high in the US). Many middle eastern countries still allow polygamy. Heck, up until 1967, we still had anti-exogamy laws on the books.

So I welcome the latest change in the marriage customs and laws of the United States.

Once again, congratulations to everyone who intends to legalize their union. It’s about fucking time.

The best quote about Hillary’s campaign I’ve heard yet:
“Come on now… If you spent your professionally life amassing huge influence over the democratic party and spent 8 years stacking the deck in your favor, and some guy came along and managed to beat you fair and square, you’d be feeling like you were robbed too.” -ignaatz on (the site which shall not be named)

I’ve been super busy with work stuff lately and haven’t been able to update, in the meantime, go look at this: http://www.bigbuckbunny.org/